Oy! So this whole ex-boyfriend soap opera continues. For those of you just tuning in, I dated this guy for three years and we've been "apart" for over a year now and I pseudo-dated someone in the interim (15 year age difference and 2000 miles--bad idea). Most recently he's been talking about someone he works with. Talking about her in that way that I know he'll wind up dating her. However, I also know it won't last. The funniest thing is he's being all sketchy about it all. Hiding information, telling me only what he wants me to know, yet forgetting that his best friend and his best friend's wife are extremely close to me and tell me everything anyway. Last night we were having a "normal" absurd conversation and he suddenly stops and says, "Well, I have something to tell you."
My first thought was, who did he screw and feels guilty about.
"I went on a date."
"Did Stacey have a good time?"
"Um, how did you know? We saw ::insert chick flick about heaven movie name::"
"WTF? I dated you three years and I never could get you to take me to movie even remotely similar and this chick gets a chick flick on the first date"
"I took you to Harry Potter, does that count?"
"You know full well that doesn't count."
"Well, I'll take you to one."
"I've hear that line before. So did you get in her pants?"
"Tina (stern, reprimanding voice)"
"What? (sweet innocent voice)"
"She's waiting until she married"
"That never stopped you before" (yes, I know this was a low blow, but he was trying to get a reaction, so he got one--he was my first and only)
The conversation went to how he never plans to get married.
"This coming from the guy who refused to make even a minimum commitment. Then told everyone that you'd planed on marrying me as soon as we broke up."
"Well, that's what I decided while you were away that summer (speaking of the summer I spent in Colorado). I did a lot of thinking about it, talked to my mom about it, a lot, I was ready." (no he wasn't, but whatever)
"You sure had a funny way of showing it."
"I know I made a mistake and I regret that."
"Well not talking to me and being a total ass for 3/4 of the time I was gone certainly wasn't the way to win my heart over."
The conversation went to many things and finally back again just before we hung up. I can't remember the prompt he gave me, but my final sentence to him surprised both of us.
"Perhaps there's something to be said for winning her back."
"What?" (I hate it when he fully heard what I said and merely wants me to repeat it--really what's the point??)
I'm glad he's dating, but I have to admit that it stings. Part of me wants nothing more than to be in his arms again, and part of me wants nothing more than to finally get over him and move on. There are so many things about him that drive me insane and I don't think I could ever live with. But somehow I always wind up back with him. We've "broken up" so many times. We've tried the "just friends" gig unsuccessfully more times than I can count. A year after we broke up, we still don't know how to be friends.
I'd love to go on a date--with someone new. Be taken out and spoiled. Not spoiled financially, I don't care about money. But spoiled with courtesy, with affection, with courtship. I want to spend a wonderful night out on the town with that horribly awkward flirting that keeps the butterflies beating the hell out of each other in your stomach all night. I want to spend an evening with a man who expects nothing more than the possibility of a sweet, soft kiss at the end of the evening. I want to be romanced like the poetic voice of Thom's poetry. Someone like "Ryan" (a reference to Thom, NOT past mistakes). Is that so much to ask? Just a date, not a boyfriend, not a relationship, none of that stuff that bogs you down.
Oh well, I guess I should start paying attention in class. I'm sitting in a philosophy course with a professor I don't like, and yet my scholarship FORCES me to take these stupid one credit wastes of time. And then he makes the mistake of holding class in the computer lab. Blah! Hope everyone is having a terrific evening!