Wednesday, June 29, 2005


So last night I was still pissed off at Tracy for not being there when he told me to call Sunday night. After my class, I felt the overwhelming need to text message him. No response. I got home awhile later, and called. No response. Whatever, he can call me; he's the one making the big bucks; he's the one who know's I'm pissed; he can make the effort. So I went about my business and did some homework. I hadn't talked to Lisa in awhile, so I figured I'd call her. I really wanted to talk to her. I got my phone (since I don't know her number by heart) and my calling card (that I'd bought to call Tracy) and headed downstairs to the phone. I looked up her number and started following the instructions on the phone to place a call. When I got to the part where you have to dial the number you want to call, my fingers dialed Tracy's number and I never bothered to look at my phone for her number. There was something wrong. I knew it and I needed to talk to him. So the phone rang four times and my hand was poised, just about to hang up to avoid getting charged a minute just to hear the computer voice telling me I'd gotten his voicemail. Just as I was about to hang up, "Hello?" I was so glad to finally have him on the line, and apparently he was relieved to be talking to me as well. He started with trying to blow off the fact that he'd had a rough day, but his voice was telling me it was something more than rough. I could tell that I was going to have to ask the right questions to get the story out of him. Then he just blurts out that he's out of a job. WHAT?!?!? Apparently there was some huge misunderstanding between him and his boss. She felt it necessary to talk about it to all the employees in his group before discussing the situation with him. So, they talked and something and anger and stuff and he isn't working there anymore. Apparently neither are half the other people he used to work with because they were upset about the way he was treated. So what does this mean for him coming to FL? Who knows?? We'll see, but I couldn't believe that I finally talked to him (since I haven't been able to really get ahold of him since I've been out of the country) and he just drops a bomb on me. Sometimes I think I worry too much about other people, but then, there's so much going on with everyone in my life.

Take care everyone, you're all in my prayers!

Monday, June 27, 2005

Rubber Band

So today my mom sent me an e-mail. It was about a rubber band that I gave to her boss over a year ago. He still has it and it's hanging in his home office.

So the story goes like this. My mom had a boss named John when I was growing up. He was always really nice to both of us, but then all the people in her office were really sweet to me. As I got older, he got promoted a few times. He was still above my mom, but more from a distance. Her companies fiscal year was always the same as the annual year, so every New Year's Eve we had to stay there late, sometimes missing the celebrations. On the eve of the big Y2K freak out, John stayed with us while we ate pizza and watched the fireworks from the windows. After not too long, John and I were both bored out of our minds as there was nothing for either one of us to do since we were both just "supervising." We started flinging rubber bands at each other. From that night on we would fire off a rubber band whenever we saw each other. My mom got upset about it actually. She wasn't really down with her daughter assaulting her "head hancho" boss with rubber bands. He didn't seem to mind, but she was always a bit on edge.

About a year and a half ago her company got sold. My mom was lucky enough to have just moved into a position in the company that the new company planned on keeping (as it turns out, John personally maneuvered that one). However, not all positions were being kept, like everyone in her old department and some of the higher-ups. One of the people hitting the road was John. In good stride he talked about his plans to go to Law School and become a lawyer. One evening there was a big party for the big-wigs who were leaving. Since I'd grown up with these people and I'd worked at the company for a few summers, it was only natural that I was there. When it was my turn to say good-bye to John, I gave him a big hug and handed him a rubber band. I thought it was cute, silly really.

My mom just got an e-mail from a friend who's friend's with John. Somehow he got to talking about the rubber band hanging on the wall in his home office and told her the story about me. The friend e-mailed my mom, who e-mailed me. I started crying as I read it. I couldn't believe a stupid piece of rubber would affect someone that much. I certainly never believed he'd keep it.

Anyway, that's my story.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

1st day of classes!!

So today was my first day of classes. I had a blast. My culture class is going to be fun and I have a lot of the background information. My lit class is going to breeze over the book that I took the last half of last fall and am going to take the first half of this fall. YAY!! Now that the biggest part of the drama is over, I'm doing well again.

So for the drama part. Yesterday we took our placement exams. Nearly half of the people here got placed in classes below what they thought they should be in--including me. I freaked when they told me I had to take intermediate. That would so not fly back home and I would probably loose my scholarship and have to take another year or so to complete all my requirements because I would literally FAIL my study abroad if I took intermediate. So, after a lot of tears and a lot of convincing, I finally got permission to enter the advanced classes. Apparently this is something this university NEVER EVER EVER does. I'm not supposed to talk about it, but it doesn't matter to anyone reading this. Plus, everyone basically knows anyway. Oh well.

Last night was "Papi's" birthday. It was so much fun. There were a bunch of family members there and I couldn't keep all the relations straight, but... I'm constantly getting teased about being the gringa. I take it in good stride though! They were talking with us and it was hard to tell when they were switching from Spanish to English. Jokes, wine, rum, cake, and some really good Mexican dish!

All the food here is TERRIFIC and everyone is always happy. It's really so much fun. I don't have classes tomorrow but I already have a ton of homework. We have a meeting to talk about our weekend trip, but that's about it.

Okay, others are waiting for the computer, so I'd better get off now!! Leave me messages--make me feel loved!

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

La Republica

So I'm here in the country of Spanish, Music, Food, and Fun!!! I'm having a BLAST!!! I've only been here two days but I feel like it's been much longer (in a good way). I miss everyone at home, of course, but as soon as I figure out a way to get around here, I'll be sure to pick up some snazzy souvenirs!! Today we went around the whole city with a student from the university who lives here. It was really fun, but very tiring. Time to go home and eat lunch (it's the biggest, main meal of the day) and maybe another siesta today.

Saturday, June 11, 2005

Random Quote of the Day

It's not flashing unless there's nippleage!

Friday, June 10, 2005

Getting Ready!!

Well, it's time to get ready!! I'm off to the Dominican Republic for 5 weeks. I'll try to keep things updated, so look for my adventures abroad.

To all hanging around here, have a good summer, God bless!!

I'm outtie!

Lonely. . .

Have you ever woken up, cuddled tight in the sheets, extra pillows all around, the rain gently falling outside your window, wonderful toughts of that special someone holding you (or you holding them) only to open your eyes and see that you're really just tangled in the sheets of your own small bed at home. No warm body snuggling you--unless you count the cat that protests when you move too much. You silently curse the empty room and wish you could close your eyes for one more minute to be back in his/her arms.

Yeah, it's going to be a long day!

Thursday, June 09, 2005


I could pretend I have something to write, but I really just don't. I thought about my day, the ups and downs and frustrations, but... Maybe I'm just too tired or too apathetic or something.

Oh! There is one thing. As much as we all may complain about the tiny Jupiter campus, upon wandering aimlessly across the UF campus (a few times) I decided our one parking lot, one side walk, and well labled buildings aren't all that bad.

I can't believe I'm leaving the country in two days. Whoa! But just in case you were wondering, they speak Spanish in the Dominican Republic, not Mexican.

Maybe ya'll will have something better to say than me. Leave it!

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

I hate...

I guess I didn't sleep well or something, 'cause I'm kinda grumpy today--agitated is a good word for it, really. So here's just a whinny list of things I hate:

  • ex-boyfriends who continue to call even though it's been over a year since it's been over
  • pierced ears that try to close up after a few days without earrings (after being pierced for 13+ years)
  • lying awake all night thinking of all the things I wish I would have told him, but never got the courage to say
  • sitting by the phone, waiting for a friend to call to go do something—I'll be stood up again, I'm sure
  • waking up to find my finicky cat has puked and pooped on the carpet in the living room, damn thing gets cranky when the litter box is even slightly dirty
  • spilling purple grape juice all over me and the kitchen floor as my first task of the day
  • cranky thesis advisors with their heads up their asses—okay not fair to be plural, but it's for effect
  • having absolutely no money and no possibility of working this summer
  • being 2,000 miles away from him
  • his phone being broken
  • his work schedule
  • not being able to get comfortable in bed now that my back and neck are actually starting to do what they're supposed to
  • waking up more than once to find my entire left arm has fallen asleep (I guess my back isn't totally fixed)
  • stupid friends who ask your advice but don't want to hear it when it's given
  • stupid people who post online journals then get pissy when someone posts something on it
  • seeing the CMR portion of my buddy list hopelessly empty and knowing no one will be on until fall
  • and I REALLY despise when people completely disregard me—I said those things for a reason, not just to hear myself talk, contrary to popular belief

GRRR!!!!! Okay, I think I'm done, maybe.

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

One more post of the night

So I got myself so worked up, I ruined any progress my chiropractor made on my neck and shoulders yesterday. Now I'm dying. Guess I'll hit the IB Profin and the ice and heat packs. Yay for screwed up neck and shoulders.

On a REALLY happy note... Lois & Clark season 1 came out on DVD. As lame as this is going to sound, that makes me happier than I can explain. Now if only I wasn't horribly broke and could afford to buy it. Eh, I'll work on that. Just the fact that it's out is enough for me, for now.

Well I'm off to tend my wounds and get some sleep! G'night all!


I'm going to apologize up front. I'm pissed and angry and hurt and upset and shaking and trying not to cry. So this is going to be a bitch-fest!!

I could pretend to mask the identities, but why bother. If you know who they are, you'll figure it out and if you don't know who they are, it doesn't matter if I use their names anyway.

So Jensen and Shell are getting married or something. Shell hates me with a passion...occasionally. I don't exactly know how to predict when she will or won't hate me, but it is fairly random as far as I can tell. Jensen on the other hand, appears to still be at least mildly attracted to me. (The "still" refers to the two weeks we pseudo dated our freshman year of college.) Jensen turns into a completely different person when Shell's around and it's not for the better. He's overly involved with her and claims he's in love. The sappy bastard cries every night in London because she's so far away. Not that she's all that close when he's in the states, anyway, but... Shell won't let Jensen talk to me, as much as she can help it and doesn't hid her disgust for me from anyone. Still, I don't know what I ever did to her. We were friends and stuff, then one day she just snapped. Whatever. But I am good friends with Jensen. I love him like a brother. I want only the best in life for him.

So apparently Jensen's family hates Shell. Not a good way to start a future together, but that's none of my business. Anyway, she finds it appropriate to put mean stuff in her AIM profile about them and to start an online journal to bash them publicly. Apparently someone left an anonymous comment to one of her rantings and they think it was me. I'm neither accepting the blame nor denying the charges. But they're all upset about something that isn't even posted on her journal. So she thinks she can out smart me and get on under his screen name and pretend to be him. Too bad she doesn't talk like him or even bother to set the template like he does. I got bored/annoyed with the harassment and closed out the box hoping my lack of response would get her to leave me alone. Nope, she had to keep pushing. So I saved the last part of the conversation to show him. Too bad that last part had nothing incriminating in it. She's insisting she told me it was her. Which she did NOT. I'm not into playing games and if you want to throw public temper tantrum, expect responses, positive or negative. If someone decides to leave a comment about my temper tantrum that I'm currently throwing, feel free! I deserve it for acting like a baby (which I fully admit to). Anyway, Jensen took her side and chose to believe I was lying and not her. Noble, but still sucks. You can't keep believing everyone else is lying she's the only one telling the truth.

Okay, my phone rang in the middle of this and I talked to an old friend for an hour. So I'm quite a bit more calm. I'm still really hurt, but I suppose I'll deal with it when I get back from the Dominican Republic. It just hurts me so much!

A quick quote

This is someting I actually wrote. It's something I constantly reminded myself of when I lost Katelyn. Now it's helping someone else with their loss. I figured I'd post it to remind myself and to help anyone else who might stumble across it.

She was put here for a reason, to touch lives, to change people, to affect things we'll never understand. She did what she was put here to accomplish and God called her home where she could be free from her aliments, a reward for her hard work on earth...

Monday, June 06, 2005

F'ing Cancer

Cancer sucks. I can't tell you how much it is bothering me right now. It's taking away the best thing that's ever walked into my life. It took away a wonderful woman, full of faith, with a young daughter. It's plagued so many and torn so many from this world.

I keep starring at this screen trying to get everything I want to say out. Put it on the page so I don't have to have it inside my head anymore. But I can't. I can't make enough sense of it to type.

I love him. That scares me more than even I can fathom. I don't know if it's because I don't know what love is, or if it's because I have been horrendously scarred from those who were supposed to love me unconditionally, or if it's because I know I'll lose him, or if it's because I've found someone too good to be true and I know it will never work out. I love him. There, I said it, it's out there for everyone to see and read. I blurted it out before I even realized what I was saying in a car full of the people I'd tried hardest to hide it from--mainly myself. But I love him, with all my heart, more than those three words can describe. I love him and now I have to watch him die.

Purple. It was her color. It's the color I can't wear 'cause it makes me cry. It's the color of the ribbon for Cancer. The color of death of a loved one.

Sunday, June 05, 2005

Some days are just harder than others...

My uncle just got married. The day after the wedding, his beautiful new bride looked a little down when she announced that she was in a "funk." We sympathetically gave her a hug and explained that the let down was normal; all the festivities were over, all the family heading home. My grandfather offered perhaps the best statement, "It is important to remember that after every 'high' there is a natural depression that follows." We were all feeling a bit of that "funk" because the weekend had been so wonderful and spectacular.

This past weekend was wonderful. A belated birthday celebration with wonderful friends, dancing, partying, pool fun, and even running into a beloved, long-lost friend. As we all get back to the normalcy of life, I think we're all feeling a bit of a let down. Which is normal. I have to remind myself as well as others. Lonely creeps into that let down. I miss being around everyone, all the people I love. Makes me miss a special someone so far away. The phone rang a few times today, each time the caller on the other end was a bit depressed. Everyone coming down off the high of the weekend; everyone feeling a bit down and assuming they are alone in their self-pity. We're all resting up, all getting ready for the mundane week ahead, and all wishing it could be Friday night, again.

This weekend was fun. I'm so glad we decided to re-play my birthday. More people came, and we did more. A night of dancing at Pleasure Island with drinks on my friends. Since we were worried about people drinking and driving, we all piled into one car. Poor Lisa, laying across our laps, hiding from the cops, pretending not to be the sixth person in a 5-passenger vehicle. Then, I cannot believe I just happened to walk right up to a kid I'd been searching for since I graduated high school. A bad address and a changed phone number distanced us. But there he was, just standing there, almost waiting for me to walk up to him. A big hug and screams of disbelief from both of us dumbfounded our friends. His "friend" was the funniest: "What are you doing hugging up all over this chick?" Yes, my dear friend who confessed his undying love for me on my answering machine when he was a mere freshman in high school is now out of the closet. Then it was off to Waffle House to get some food. So they fed us then put on a show...a new dude was training on the grill. Back at the house, we were all too wired to sleep. Finally at 5am we decided it was time for bed. A late morning was followed by chocolate chip pancakes at 3 and a pool party and pizza in the evening. Good times, good times.

Today, sleep and tending to my uber-cranked neck and shoulders and missing him. Hope all is well with ya'll!!

"It's the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter."
-Marlene Dietrich

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

It's really happening!!

I got my paperwork in the mail today, detailing my host family and other students going on my study abroad program. I can't explain how excited I am. Been planning this trip since November and now everything is in place and I leave in less than two weeks. Five weeks in the heart of Latin America, far away from everyday life and everyday troubles.

That's about all my news for today. I was a loaf and did a whole lot of nothing!! I pointed to where the sprinkler guy need to fix the sprinklers...that's something, right?? Yeah, I wasn't buying it either.

Tomorrow, the icky dentist, maybe the chiropractor, and picking up VANESSA! Yay!! Fun weekend awaits!!