F'ing Cancer

Cancer sucks. I can't tell you how much it is bothering me right now. It's taking away the best thing that's ever walked into my life. It took away a wonderful woman, full of faith, with a young daughter. It's plagued so many and torn so many from this world.

I keep starring at this screen trying to get everything I want to say out. Put it on the page so I don't have to have it inside my head anymore. But I can't. I can't make enough sense of it to type.

I love him. That scares me more than even I can fathom. I don't know if it's because I don't know what love is, or if it's because I have been horrendously scarred from those who were supposed to love me unconditionally, or if it's because I know I'll lose him, or if it's because I've found someone too good to be true and I know it will never work out. I love him. There, I said it, it's out there for everyone to see and read. I blurted it out before I even realized what I was saying in a car full of the people I'd tried hardest to hide it from--mainly myself. But I love him, with all my heart, more than those three words can describe. I love him and now I have to watch him die.

Purple. It was her color. It's the color I can't wear 'cause it makes me cry. It's the color of the ribbon for Cancer. The color of death of a loved one.