Saturday, April 29, 2006

Thesis Update

On Friday I sent an e-mail to my adviser and my second reader to see if there was any news about my thesis. They've had it for almost a week and I was getting antsy.

My e-mail Friday afternoon:
"At the risk of being pushy, is there any news?

I'm sorry; I'm just so stressed and sitting on pins and needles waiting to hear what you have to say.

Let me know if you have any questions. Hope to hear from you soon. If not, have a terrific weekend."

Adviser's response Friday evening:
"No news yet."

Second reader's response today:
"I am ready to sign. Can we set up a time on Monday? I am meeting with someone at 9:30 and again at 10:30, and I'll probably be in my office until 11:30 (and again in the afternoon), so let me know what time you want to come by and I'll sign."

AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! No word from my adviser, though. So nothing is definite. However, some light is starting to shine through the end of the tunnel!!

Thursday, April 27, 2006


I'm really stressed out right now and no one seems to care. Kevin's over me being stressed and just doesn't want to deal with it. My mom's just not paying attention to me because she's away. Every freaking time she goes away, she calls me to say hi and hear how things are going, but she doesn't listen to me and interrupts me and gets mad at me because I get frustrated with her flightiness.

I turned my thesis in. I still haven't heard back from my professor if I'm going to actually graduate or just go through the motions and actually graduate in August. I'm really stressed about it because I honestly don't know what's going to happen. It really could go either way.

I have two papers that are due Monday and I can't get myself to write them. I'm so over everything that I just don't want to do them. I feel like they're busy work and I'm so over it. I'm ready to get out of here. Senioritis is setting in.

Then I'm really nervous about moving back home after living on my own for the past 4 years, esp with the way my mom's been acting lately. I almost want to go to Colorado just to get away from it all.

My mom and I were talking about my graduation party a while back and I asked her if she'd take care of things. She knew the date I wanted the party and knew I wanted it at Lake Seminole, at one of two specific shelters. She wanted to have it at the house. I really don't want it at the house because I want everyone to come and feel comfortable. I know several people I'm inviting won't feel comfortable at my house. Besides, I want it to be kid friendly and there's nothing about my house that is kid friendly. I told her all of this. So she starts planning the party for the weekend before I said I wanted it. So I told her I didn't want it that weekend and she stopped planning it all together. She was supposed to reserve a shelter and she never did. Now, I'm trying to plan the freaking thing and I can't find anywhere to have it. It's either scrap the whole thing or have it at my house. Neither option is acceptable, but the first is better than the second. The only thing anyone remembers from my high school party was that it was SOOO lame. Everyone under 30 passed out on the couch on top of each other while the adults, most of the guests, sat at the table and talked about bullshit. I wanted this party to be chill, with people who are important to me in attendance. But no, that's not good enough. I'm so upset. I tried calling Lake Seminole, but they're booked until June sometime. Veteran's Park is booked as well. I don't know where else to call. I bought the invitations today 'cause they need to get out, but I don't know what to write on them. And my mom doesn't give a shit. Her response was something along the lines of "oopsie." UGH!! Kevin just keeps saying, "don't worry about it." I'm SOOOO sick of hearing that. If it was a simple as not worrying about it, I wouldn't. Telling me not to isn't going to do anything but aggravate me more. He keeps saying he hopes I'm done with my thesis, but he's saying it so he doesn't have to hear about it anymore--he admitted to thinking that.

I just feel like no one cares. I'm so stressed and upset and no one gives two shits. I'm ready just to give up and pretend I'm not graduating. I just want to run away from the world.

Anyway, I really need to write this stupid paper so I can write my other stupid paper. Sorry to unload. I just don't know what else to do right now.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006


So my thesis may be done. I hope it's done. I think it's done. However, it is up to two fine women to determine the completeness of said work. I sincerely hope they agree with my assessment. If they don't, graduation is going to feel phony. Probably because it will be. You see, if I don't get a "you're finished, good job" back from my two amazing professors, I have to take an incomplete on my thesis credits and thereby delaying ACTUAL graduation until August. I will, however, still appear to be graduating. It's just all the technicalities that would be an issue.

Now, senioritis has REALLY kicked in. I have two papers and a final I must study for. All three of those are due Monday. However, I need to get one of those papers written ASAP since it was technically due yesterday and my prof was nice enough to recognize the conudrum I was in and allow an extension. And yet, I find myself posting instead of actually writing...hmmm...

Life is trying to return to normal in Ohio. My family (and I) have gone through such a wide range of emotions. None of us really know what to expect next. I'll try calling, soon, to see if there are any updates. Probably not, but it's nice to check in since I'm so far away.

Summer plans and grad school plans are still in limbo. Well, I'm pretty sure I'll be home for the summer, working anywhere that I can find that will offer me a position and good money. Part of my hesitation in figuring out a summer job is that I might wind up going to grad school at home, therefore, instead of looking for a summer gig, I'd be looking for something more long term. The implications of length change the venue of search. We'll see though. As for grad school, as previously mentioned, I have been accepted to Colorado Christian University. I've also applied to USF. The process seems to be going well at USF and I should be hearing something (either no or interview date) rather shortly. They always seem excited to talk to me and have been EXTREMELY helpful with the application process. Kevin's pushing for USF, but I'm trying to not let that influence my decision. Basically, CCU costs $20,000 more in tuition alone than USF. Add to that, for CCU I'd have to get an apt and pay living expenses and for USF I'd live at home. For two years, I think I could handle living at home again, though I am nervous about it. Honestly, with more schooling in store after this next step, saving a minimum of $20,000 + living expenses sounds more logical. Bonus, I'd get to work on my relationship with a wonderful man. Although, I did receive information about an opportunity to teach English in Spain for a year. While that wouldn't further my career goals, it would totally rock! So, who knows.

Now that the cloud of thesis is off my head (hopefully, permanently), I'm getting excited about the future. Add to it, I'm getting positive feedback from schools. After hitting rock bottom, it's so nice to ride the waves of improvement. Hope all is well for all of you as well! Much love!

Thursday, April 20, 2006

I'm sorry!

I just wanted to say hello and I'm sorry. I know I've been kind of a hermit lately. For those of you I normally keep in contact with and haven't exactly been doing that, I'm particularly apologetic. Life has been particularly stressful lately. (Bev--I'm really sorry I couldn't meet up with you...we had a reseach presentation day and my mom was in town and blah blah blah...I was really looking forward to meeting you :( )

I'm just about done with my thesis, but if I don't get the last touches on it in the next couple of days...and have those touches approved by my adviser, I may not get my diploma until August=sucky. I'm trying though, and I should be done by the end of the weekend. I have 2 papers and an exam next Monday (May 1). Then, I'm done with undergrad. It's a scarey and exciting thing. I'm pretty nervous about leaving my "home" for the past 4 years.

I'm nervous about either moving to Colorado or moving home while I work on my masters. Either option has it's benefits and drawbacks. For those of you in CO, I've been accepted at CCU, so I'll probably be getting an apt in Denver. If I go home, it'll be cheaper, but I'm a bit sketch about moving back into my mom's place after being on my own for 4 years.

Then I found out today that my youngest cousin was molested or something like that. Her mom and the boys mother (A FREAKING SCHOOL TEACHER) told her not to tell anyone. UGH! Thank God her father found out and is taking care of things.

There's more, but that's a glimpse of how I'm feeling. So, if you've perceived I'm mad at you, it's probably more that I'm too stressed to know what to do with myself. A little bit of love and prayers wouldn't hurt though. Hope all is well with you all!!

*********I found out last night, the court system in Hamilton County, Ohio is nucking futs!! My uncle was denied emergency custody, the court would not listen to him or my cousin, nor would they appt a guardian ad litum. Instead, they forced my uncle to take my cousin back to her crazy mother where she (and all the rest of us) knew she was going to get beaten. Glad to know there's justice in this world. Now we're worried that the psycho is going to take off with my sweet, little cousin. We're praying that her engine blows up and she can't take off across the country.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006


Okay, so I've been rather non-existent. Life comes at you fast when you're trying to get stuff in order for graduation and the rest of your life.

My thesis is going well and I'm right on schedule to skate on out of here on May 5. Classes are going decent, they could be going better, if I could muster up enough strength to ward off my senioritis.

Grad school stuff is back in the waiting phase. The programs I originally applied to were more competitive than Med schools, and I wasn't completely qualified based on my undergraduate course work. So, now I switched gears to get into lower programs that will open different doors later. Essentially, instead of trying to make a huge leap, I'm taking smaller steps. It seems to be going well, but I'm waiting on feedback from a few schools. Things seem to be looking up. If all else fails, I'll stay home for a year and get a second BA in psychology. I'll eventually have a doctorate in psychology, just what type and how I get there may change.

Kevin is terrific, as always. He's finally coming to see me! My mother is coming on Thursday for the research presentation day here at the school and staying through Easter. Kevin's coming on Saturday, in time for Easter, and staying most of the coming week. He's on Spring Break and wanted to finally follow through on his promise to come visit me at school.

Before I know it, I'll be listening to Pomp and Circumstance (or whatever name variation you call it), sporting the whole cap and gown get up, and watching my mom cry and snap 3+ rolls of film.

Hope all is well with the rest of the world!!

Much love!

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Pretty Flowers

So after 5 months of dating bliss, Kevin and I had our first official fight. The details aren't important, but suffice to say we were both pissed. The fight was sparked Sunday evening and we spent Monday mad at each other. Monday night, yesterday, we had it out. We were both standing our ground. We both felt we'd given our all and felt the other person wasn't giving enough. We went around in circles for a while and finally gave up. We both resolved to continue trying and to try to understand that the other is trying just as hard.

Today I was going about my business when my housing director sends me a message--there are flowers waiting for me in the office. Hmmmm...not my birthday, not an anniversary, nothing special was going on.... My too cute, wonder boyfriend sent me the most beautiful flowers, just to say, "I love you!" He's such a cutie!!

Full length

Front View Back View

Top View

Isn't he just too cute?!
(This pic was a self portrait taken a while back...he was talking to me on the phone and I was having a rough night...he was cheesing it up to make me smile)

Anyway, my crappy week got worse before it got better, but I'm smiling for now!! Thanks for all the words of encouragement!