Thursday, April 27, 2006


I'm really stressed out right now and no one seems to care. Kevin's over me being stressed and just doesn't want to deal with it. My mom's just not paying attention to me because she's away. Every freaking time she goes away, she calls me to say hi and hear how things are going, but she doesn't listen to me and interrupts me and gets mad at me because I get frustrated with her flightiness.

I turned my thesis in. I still haven't heard back from my professor if I'm going to actually graduate or just go through the motions and actually graduate in August. I'm really stressed about it because I honestly don't know what's going to happen. It really could go either way.

I have two papers that are due Monday and I can't get myself to write them. I'm so over everything that I just don't want to do them. I feel like they're busy work and I'm so over it. I'm ready to get out of here. Senioritis is setting in.

Then I'm really nervous about moving back home after living on my own for the past 4 years, esp with the way my mom's been acting lately. I almost want to go to Colorado just to get away from it all.

My mom and I were talking about my graduation party a while back and I asked her if she'd take care of things. She knew the date I wanted the party and knew I wanted it at Lake Seminole, at one of two specific shelters. She wanted to have it at the house. I really don't want it at the house because I want everyone to come and feel comfortable. I know several people I'm inviting won't feel comfortable at my house. Besides, I want it to be kid friendly and there's nothing about my house that is kid friendly. I told her all of this. So she starts planning the party for the weekend before I said I wanted it. So I told her I didn't want it that weekend and she stopped planning it all together. She was supposed to reserve a shelter and she never did. Now, I'm trying to plan the freaking thing and I can't find anywhere to have it. It's either scrap the whole thing or have it at my house. Neither option is acceptable, but the first is better than the second. The only thing anyone remembers from my high school party was that it was SOOO lame. Everyone under 30 passed out on the couch on top of each other while the adults, most of the guests, sat at the table and talked about bullshit. I wanted this party to be chill, with people who are important to me in attendance. But no, that's not good enough. I'm so upset. I tried calling Lake Seminole, but they're booked until June sometime. Veteran's Park is booked as well. I don't know where else to call. I bought the invitations today 'cause they need to get out, but I don't know what to write on them. And my mom doesn't give a shit. Her response was something along the lines of "oopsie." UGH!! Kevin just keeps saying, "don't worry about it." I'm SOOOO sick of hearing that. If it was a simple as not worrying about it, I wouldn't. Telling me not to isn't going to do anything but aggravate me more. He keeps saying he hopes I'm done with my thesis, but he's saying it so he doesn't have to hear about it anymore--he admitted to thinking that.

I just feel like no one cares. I'm so stressed and upset and no one gives two shits. I'm ready just to give up and pretend I'm not graduating. I just want to run away from the world.

Anyway, I really need to write this stupid paper so I can write my other stupid paper. Sorry to unload. I just don't know what else to do right now.


  1. There are a lot of times when frustration kicks in...always expect that and dont let it win. Stop for a moment...breathe...and then move on. Dont give up on your studies! You can do it!

  2. I wish I could send you a great big hug!!

  3. May you find the peace you need soon...

  4. Gianna--thanks for stopping by, again. What's your first language? You're right, though, I do need to breathe, just breathe!

    Snavy--A hug would be terrific. Just the thought of one makes things a tid bit better.

    Xolo--Thanks...hope you get that job in NYC, too!

  5. Oh, it took me ages to stop by again. I am sorry about that. My first language is spanish so if you need practice or help with it...I am here lol.

    I am so happy to hear that you are done with your school work. Take time for yourself and enjoy the world!!!