Thursday, May 25, 2006

Stronger than some. . .

I got an e-mail today from someone who's never e-mailed me before. I looked at the e-mail address to see if I recognized who it was. I didn't, but the subject line told me enough to know it was a legit e-mail. The e-mail was complementary enough, but the message I got was more from the address than the body itself. The address was "strongerthansome." Some of you out there might recognize this address from Tom. While he seems to be referring to physical strength, it made me think about my various strengths. I'm stronger than some; sometimes I feel stronger than most; sometimes I feel stronger than very few. But I am strong.

I am strong willed. You can read this as motivated or bull headed. Both apply. I'm not about to let anything get in the way of my dreams, but I'm also pretty set on doing things my way with my own opinions.

I am strong physically. I hate when Kevin says, "let me get that so you don't hurt yourself." Yes, I know he's referring to my perpetual neck and back issues that give me tremendous headaches, but I tend to want to interpret it as, "you're a chick. Stand back and let a man take care of it."

I am strong emotionally. I am there for others even when I don't always want to be. I put my own need to be weak behind other's needs for me to be strong, most notably my mother. I guess this is probably not a terrible trait since I want to be a clinical pyschologist.

I am strong scholastically. I don't let myself think, let alone say, this one often. I'm so afraid of offending and/or sounding big headed. But, damn it, I graduated from 1 of 4 true honors colleges in the country with a 3.5 GPA.

I am strong spiritually. This one waxes and wanes a bit. But, it doesn't ever disappear. I fully believe that Christ died to save me and that He (the whole trinity) are always with me. Though I do things I know that aren't the best, I'm finally learning what unconditional love means.

I am a strong lover. No, that's not what I mean; though I'll neither accept or deny that compliment. I throw all of myself into a relationship. Perhaps this is bad, but I don't go at things half-heartedly. I take dinner to my boyfriend when he's stuck at school, I meet him for lunch, I plan things that he'd love to do, I'm strong when he needs to be weak, I'm weak when he needs to be strong. I put all of my heart into it, and this time, I've found someone who has, too.

I am a strong friend. I won't let my friends disillusion themselves. I'll be a bitch if that's what they need me to be. I'm not going to sit back and let them pretend that everything's fine if it isn't. I won't give up either. I've often said (half jokingly) "all of my friends have issues!" If you think about it, we all have issues. I take it as a sign of confidence and trust that I know many of my friend's deepest issues that they tend not to share.

See, I am strong, stronger than some. There will always be days when I feel more and/or less strong in each of these categories. Stronger than most? Sometimes. Stronger than none? Rarely. Stronger than some. Yeah. Usually. What about you? How are you stronger than some?

Friday, May 19, 2006

Is this the real world?

"I really do believe that all of you are at the beginning of a wonderful journey. As you start traveling down that road of life, remember this: There are never enough comfort stops. The places you're going are never on the map. And once you get that map out, you won't be able to refold it no matter how smart you are.

So forget the map, roll down the windows, and whenever you can, pull over and have a picnic with a pig. And if you can help it, never fly as cargo." ~ Kermit the Frog

Life at home is going well. I just got my first big girl bed, graduating from a twin to a queen, and have finally started moving into the bedroom that's been labeled mine for the past 3 years (I never really moved into this bedroom when my mom bought this house 3 years ago). I've got a sweet setup with babysitting for several families on a regular schedule all summer long, with housesitting and date nights thrown in as a bonus. I've got an interview with USF scheduled, and my mom and I are getting along swimmingly. Kevin's great as usual. Life is good.

Thursday, May 11, 2006


the honest survey

1. honestly, what color is your underwear?
purple stripes

2. honestly, what's on your mind right now?
my poor kitty who just got flea goo on his shoulders and his first flea collar, he's not happy

3. honestly, what are you doing right now?
duh, filling out this survey

4. honestly, what did you do today?
Woke up late, talked on the phone, took a shower, went to lunch with my boyfriend, ran some errands, nothing special

5. honestly, do you think you are attractive?
not particularly, though I'm told I am...I try to believe it, but I usually fail

6. honestly, have you done something bad today?
my kitty thinks so

7. honestly, do you watch the disney channel?
I don't really do TV

8. honestly, are you jealous of someone right now?
not that I'm aware throws us all different circumstances and situations...we all make the best of it with what we're given

9. honestly, what makes you happy most of the time?
hugs, and Kevin...combined or separately

10. honestly, do you bite your nails?
not really. I try to use my teeth as nail files when one tears, though.

11. honestly, what is your mood right now?
sleepy, and lazy

12. honestly, have you had an eating disorder?
nope, I'm chunky

13. honestly, do you want to see someone this very minute?

14. honestly, do you have a deep dark secret?
I'm not good at keeping my own secrets. Perhaps it's because I'd rather get everything out than keep it all in.

15. honestly, do you hate someone right now?
hate is a strong word. I try not to go that route, but sometimes fail. I don't think anyone tops that list at the moment, though.

16. honestly, who/what do you want to hug right now?
Kevin, or anyone else willing...I'm a hug slut ;)

17. honestly, are you loyal?
annoyingly so

18. honestly, are you in denial?
why would I admitt it if I was, isn't that kinda of oxymoronic?

19. honestly, would you rather be having sex right now?
nah, I'm waiting, and Kevin's totally cool with that.

20. honestly, do you like someone?
have you been reading?

21. honestly, does someone like you right now?
I try to convince myself that he loves me. I have a hard time believing it because of my own insecurities, which frustrates him.

22. honestly, do you smoke weed?
nope, never have, and I don't forsee myself ever doing it

23. honestly, do you do drugs?
nope, never have, and I don't forsee myself ever doing it

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

It's over...

So, I graduated. Here's proof!

I still don't know where I'm going to grad school. I haven't heard from USF, though I should soon. I'm getting rather apathetic about making a decision. I'm so over it all.

I'm home. I'd planned on getting a job as soon as I got here. The first place I applied was so overly excited at the prospect of me working there (a server at a nice restaurant), then told me that I was one of 6 or 7 applicants applying for 1 position. I'd be moving on to the second round of interviews, but that didn't give me much encouragement. I've already basically accepted a summer babysitting gig, thing. The only problem is that it doesn't start for over a month. They need me to help a couple hours a day, a couple days a week for the next two weeks. I'm a sucker and agreed. But that really makes gaining employment more difficult. I don't really know what to do. I really need a good amount of money to flow in to make up for shitty employment (read shitty paychecks) this past year and not working last summer. Plus, I need to save up for grad school, particularly if I'm going to Colorado.

I always have a hard time when I come home. I expect that everyone will drop everything and spend time with me. I mean, I'm finally home and I've waited so long to see everyone and spend time with everyone. They say they've all missed me. I understand these expectations are unrealistic. Life goes on here, just as it had before I left, while I was gone, and now that I'm back. I suppose if I had something to occupy myself, I'd be better. Kevin's occupied with school and work. He's upset about one of his classes this semester and he's very tired, as always. Last night he was really cranky, and I got my feelings hurt. I tried to tell myself that I'd done the same thing, if not worse to him so many times over the past 6 months. It helped a little, but... I wanted to meet him for lunch today. He's got a test tonight, so he needs to spend his lunch hour studying. No lunch out. I called my best friend. She's just gotten back in town from a few days of vacation. Maybe she'd want to have lunch. Nope, she's going out with her fiancee for lunch (the same guy she's spent the last several days hiding with). My psycho friend is doing better, but I'm still her only friend, so she feels I should spend all of my time with her. She exhausts me. I love her to death, but I cannot allow much time with her. I'm afraid it will pull me down as it did last summer. Another one of my friend's is reverting to previous behavior that drove us apart for a stint. Welcome home, Tina. I feel like it would be better if I'd never come home. Perhaps I should go to Colorado for school. I wouldn't be missed. At least that's how it feels right now.

Somehow, I already miss being at school. I miss being occupied: schoolwork, work, friends always ready to hang out, talk, grab dinner.

Oh, I figured I'd be all excited to be done. Instead I'm mopey. I guess I'll get back to reading for pleasure. I do enjoy it, I just wish I had something more than that to do. I guess I'm never happy. Uff! Happy Hump Day!


Okay, so I forgot that Beaver tagged me. Though the mental image of a beaver reaching up and swatting at a cricket and running away in a game of tag is rather amusing.

If you have been tagged, you are to come up with 7 qualities of your perfect lover. Do specify the gender. Then list down, and tag, seven other bloggers on their pages. If you've been tagged, you need not do this again.

Gender: Male (duh!).

So here we go: (in poetic form, if you please...)

1) While playing dumb may be cute,
being dumb cannot follow suit.

2) Even if driving makes to prone to road rage,
during a fight, you must act your age!

3) I tend to fall apart when I stress,
so you must be strong enough to hold together the mess.

4)While I used to say romance was merely a plus,
I've now been spoiled and it is a must!

5)It's only half for you to offer me your love,
you must realize our relationship is a gift from Above.

6) Though Aretha may need you figure out R-E-S-P-E-C-T,
I demand that you KNOW what it means to me.

7) You must figure out how to make me melt with just your eyes,
and not assume you've got a free ticket to get between my thighs! ;)

I'm so glad my sweet, sweet Kevin has all of these down pat. He's really a terrific guy. I'm going to skip the tagging of others, since I don't think I've got readers regular enough to play along (through my lack of regular posting). But if you'd like to play along, let me know!

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

So surreal

It's all done. Thesis is in, exams taken, papers written. At some point, it will hit me that I am done with my undergraduate work. I have done what it takes to earn an honors BA. I'm finally going to get some sleep and read the book Kevin gave me for Christmas. Thanks for all the love and support!!

As a side note, I was batpized at my church on Sunday. It was pretty exciting. Though I didn't expect anything to be different, I awoke this morning with a new sense of love and belonging, a calming presence. Pretty neat.

Sweet dreams, world!

Saturday, April 29, 2006

Thesis Update

On Friday I sent an e-mail to my adviser and my second reader to see if there was any news about my thesis. They've had it for almost a week and I was getting antsy.

My e-mail Friday afternoon:
"At the risk of being pushy, is there any news?

I'm sorry; I'm just so stressed and sitting on pins and needles waiting to hear what you have to say.

Let me know if you have any questions. Hope to hear from you soon. If not, have a terrific weekend."

Adviser's response Friday evening:
"No news yet."

Second reader's response today:
"I am ready to sign. Can we set up a time on Monday? I am meeting with someone at 9:30 and again at 10:30, and I'll probably be in my office until 11:30 (and again in the afternoon), so let me know what time you want to come by and I'll sign."

AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! No word from my adviser, though. So nothing is definite. However, some light is starting to shine through the end of the tunnel!!

Thursday, April 27, 2006


I'm really stressed out right now and no one seems to care. Kevin's over me being stressed and just doesn't want to deal with it. My mom's just not paying attention to me because she's away. Every freaking time she goes away, she calls me to say hi and hear how things are going, but she doesn't listen to me and interrupts me and gets mad at me because I get frustrated with her flightiness.

I turned my thesis in. I still haven't heard back from my professor if I'm going to actually graduate or just go through the motions and actually graduate in August. I'm really stressed about it because I honestly don't know what's going to happen. It really could go either way.

I have two papers that are due Monday and I can't get myself to write them. I'm so over everything that I just don't want to do them. I feel like they're busy work and I'm so over it. I'm ready to get out of here. Senioritis is setting in.

Then I'm really nervous about moving back home after living on my own for the past 4 years, esp with the way my mom's been acting lately. I almost want to go to Colorado just to get away from it all.

My mom and I were talking about my graduation party a while back and I asked her if she'd take care of things. She knew the date I wanted the party and knew I wanted it at Lake Seminole, at one of two specific shelters. She wanted to have it at the house. I really don't want it at the house because I want everyone to come and feel comfortable. I know several people I'm inviting won't feel comfortable at my house. Besides, I want it to be kid friendly and there's nothing about my house that is kid friendly. I told her all of this. So she starts planning the party for the weekend before I said I wanted it. So I told her I didn't want it that weekend and she stopped planning it all together. She was supposed to reserve a shelter and she never did. Now, I'm trying to plan the freaking thing and I can't find anywhere to have it. It's either scrap the whole thing or have it at my house. Neither option is acceptable, but the first is better than the second. The only thing anyone remembers from my high school party was that it was SOOO lame. Everyone under 30 passed out on the couch on top of each other while the adults, most of the guests, sat at the table and talked about bullshit. I wanted this party to be chill, with people who are important to me in attendance. But no, that's not good enough. I'm so upset. I tried calling Lake Seminole, but they're booked until June sometime. Veteran's Park is booked as well. I don't know where else to call. I bought the invitations today 'cause they need to get out, but I don't know what to write on them. And my mom doesn't give a shit. Her response was something along the lines of "oopsie." UGH!! Kevin just keeps saying, "don't worry about it." I'm SOOOO sick of hearing that. If it was a simple as not worrying about it, I wouldn't. Telling me not to isn't going to do anything but aggravate me more. He keeps saying he hopes I'm done with my thesis, but he's saying it so he doesn't have to hear about it anymore--he admitted to thinking that.

I just feel like no one cares. I'm so stressed and upset and no one gives two shits. I'm ready just to give up and pretend I'm not graduating. I just want to run away from the world.

Anyway, I really need to write this stupid paper so I can write my other stupid paper. Sorry to unload. I just don't know what else to do right now.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006


So my thesis may be done. I hope it's done. I think it's done. However, it is up to two fine women to determine the completeness of said work. I sincerely hope they agree with my assessment. If they don't, graduation is going to feel phony. Probably because it will be. You see, if I don't get a "you're finished, good job" back from my two amazing professors, I have to take an incomplete on my thesis credits and thereby delaying ACTUAL graduation until August. I will, however, still appear to be graduating. It's just all the technicalities that would be an issue.

Now, senioritis has REALLY kicked in. I have two papers and a final I must study for. All three of those are due Monday. However, I need to get one of those papers written ASAP since it was technically due yesterday and my prof was nice enough to recognize the conudrum I was in and allow an extension. And yet, I find myself posting instead of actually writing...hmmm...

Life is trying to return to normal in Ohio. My family (and I) have gone through such a wide range of emotions. None of us really know what to expect next. I'll try calling, soon, to see if there are any updates. Probably not, but it's nice to check in since I'm so far away.

Summer plans and grad school plans are still in limbo. Well, I'm pretty sure I'll be home for the summer, working anywhere that I can find that will offer me a position and good money. Part of my hesitation in figuring out a summer job is that I might wind up going to grad school at home, therefore, instead of looking for a summer gig, I'd be looking for something more long term. The implications of length change the venue of search. We'll see though. As for grad school, as previously mentioned, I have been accepted to Colorado Christian University. I've also applied to USF. The process seems to be going well at USF and I should be hearing something (either no or interview date) rather shortly. They always seem excited to talk to me and have been EXTREMELY helpful with the application process. Kevin's pushing for USF, but I'm trying to not let that influence my decision. Basically, CCU costs $20,000 more in tuition alone than USF. Add to that, for CCU I'd have to get an apt and pay living expenses and for USF I'd live at home. For two years, I think I could handle living at home again, though I am nervous about it. Honestly, with more schooling in store after this next step, saving a minimum of $20,000 + living expenses sounds more logical. Bonus, I'd get to work on my relationship with a wonderful man. Although, I did receive information about an opportunity to teach English in Spain for a year. While that wouldn't further my career goals, it would totally rock! So, who knows.

Now that the cloud of thesis is off my head (hopefully, permanently), I'm getting excited about the future. Add to it, I'm getting positive feedback from schools. After hitting rock bottom, it's so nice to ride the waves of improvement. Hope all is well for all of you as well! Much love!

Thursday, April 20, 2006

I'm sorry!

I just wanted to say hello and I'm sorry. I know I've been kind of a hermit lately. For those of you I normally keep in contact with and haven't exactly been doing that, I'm particularly apologetic. Life has been particularly stressful lately. (Bev--I'm really sorry I couldn't meet up with you...we had a reseach presentation day and my mom was in town and blah blah blah...I was really looking forward to meeting you :( )

I'm just about done with my thesis, but if I don't get the last touches on it in the next couple of days...and have those touches approved by my adviser, I may not get my diploma until August=sucky. I'm trying though, and I should be done by the end of the weekend. I have 2 papers and an exam next Monday (May 1). Then, I'm done with undergrad. It's a scarey and exciting thing. I'm pretty nervous about leaving my "home" for the past 4 years.

I'm nervous about either moving to Colorado or moving home while I work on my masters. Either option has it's benefits and drawbacks. For those of you in CO, I've been accepted at CCU, so I'll probably be getting an apt in Denver. If I go home, it'll be cheaper, but I'm a bit sketch about moving back into my mom's place after being on my own for 4 years.

Then I found out today that my youngest cousin was molested or something like that. Her mom and the boys mother (A FREAKING SCHOOL TEACHER) told her not to tell anyone. UGH! Thank God her father found out and is taking care of things.

There's more, but that's a glimpse of how I'm feeling. So, if you've perceived I'm mad at you, it's probably more that I'm too stressed to know what to do with myself. A little bit of love and prayers wouldn't hurt though. Hope all is well with you all!!

*********I found out last night, the court system in Hamilton County, Ohio is nucking futs!! My uncle was denied emergency custody, the court would not listen to him or my cousin, nor would they appt a guardian ad litum. Instead, they forced my uncle to take my cousin back to her crazy mother where she (and all the rest of us) knew she was going to get beaten. Glad to know there's justice in this world. Now we're worried that the psycho is going to take off with my sweet, little cousin. We're praying that her engine blows up and she can't take off across the country.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006


Okay, so I've been rather non-existent. Life comes at you fast when you're trying to get stuff in order for graduation and the rest of your life.

My thesis is going well and I'm right on schedule to skate on out of here on May 5. Classes are going decent, they could be going better, if I could muster up enough strength to ward off my senioritis.

Grad school stuff is back in the waiting phase. The programs I originally applied to were more competitive than Med schools, and I wasn't completely qualified based on my undergraduate course work. So, now I switched gears to get into lower programs that will open different doors later. Essentially, instead of trying to make a huge leap, I'm taking smaller steps. It seems to be going well, but I'm waiting on feedback from a few schools. Things seem to be looking up. If all else fails, I'll stay home for a year and get a second BA in psychology. I'll eventually have a doctorate in psychology, just what type and how I get there may change.

Kevin is terrific, as always. He's finally coming to see me! My mother is coming on Thursday for the research presentation day here at the school and staying through Easter. Kevin's coming on Saturday, in time for Easter, and staying most of the coming week. He's on Spring Break and wanted to finally follow through on his promise to come visit me at school.

Before I know it, I'll be listening to Pomp and Circumstance (or whatever name variation you call it), sporting the whole cap and gown get up, and watching my mom cry and snap 3+ rolls of film.

Hope all is well with the rest of the world!!

Much love!

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Pretty Flowers

So after 5 months of dating bliss, Kevin and I had our first official fight. The details aren't important, but suffice to say we were both pissed. The fight was sparked Sunday evening and we spent Monday mad at each other. Monday night, yesterday, we had it out. We were both standing our ground. We both felt we'd given our all and felt the other person wasn't giving enough. We went around in circles for a while and finally gave up. We both resolved to continue trying and to try to understand that the other is trying just as hard.

Today I was going about my business when my housing director sends me a message--there are flowers waiting for me in the office. Hmmmm...not my birthday, not an anniversary, nothing special was going on.... My too cute, wonder boyfriend sent me the most beautiful flowers, just to say, "I love you!" He's such a cutie!!

Full length

Front View Back View

Top View

Isn't he just too cute?!
(This pic was a self portrait taken a while back...he was talking to me on the phone and I was having a rough night...he was cheesing it up to make me smile)

Anyway, my crappy week got worse before it got better, but I'm smiling for now!! Thanks for all the words of encouragement!

Thursday, March 30, 2006


I'm here. Surviving. I know I haven't been faithful to this blog, but then I haven't been faithful to much of anything lately (save friends and Kevin). Life is rough but I'm almost done with my thesis. I may have figured out my grad school options. Maybe not.

I'm pretty disillusioned with the world right now. There's not much that isn't stressing me to the limit. I miss his loving arms that seem to take my cares away. I keep telling myself if I make it through the next week it'll all be better, but it seems to get worse. I hate complaining. I'm sorry that's all I've got for the few that still check in from time to time. Perhaps the next couple of weeks will bring better news that I can post. Perhaps something to be proud of will blow my way. Or at least something to be happy about.

Much love to all who stumble across my pathetic entry. I'll be better, just need a little bit of time and whole lot less stress.

Monday, February 27, 2006


my ex is: a horrible, pathetic baby and better off as my ex.

i lost my: honra to him.

maybe i should: work on my thesis.

i love: arms that encircle me and keep me safe.

i don't understand: why I care so damn much.

my boyfriend/girlfriend: will always be second to my girlfriends.

people say i: stress too much.

love is: a beautiful thing, if/when you find it.

somewhere: out there, beneath the pale moon sky.

i will always: strive.

forever: is a scary word.

i never want to: dissappoint anyone else.

when i wake up in the morning i: thank God for a new day but wish it was still night.

my past: is a scary place, but it made me who I am today.

i get annoyed when: people abandon me.

i wish: I could relax for just a few minutes.

nice: isn't an adjective for life right now, give me a week.

tomorrow: is already spent.

i really want to: finish my thesis and get into a good grad school.

i miss: Kevin's arms and an innocence in life I never knew.

Saturday, February 18, 2006

How would you describe me?

A friend of mine started this and it looked like a fun thing to do. Please be honest and let me know what you think.

What do you think of me?

Love you, all!

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Please Pray

I'm reaching out, once again, to my network of friends and family for a little help with prayer. As some of you know, I'm finishing up my final year of undergraduate work. My thesis is going well, but it needs a lot more work. I've been trying my hardest to put things in His hands and it worked for the first two sections. Now I'm working on the last section and my own need for control is creeping back in. I'm trying hard to relinquish control and trust in Him.

To add to my test of faith, I've applied to 4 grad schools to start a Psy D in child clinical in the fall. I haven't heard back from any of them. No yeas, no nays, and no "please come for an interview." I was doing okay with the waiting until I heard from a classmate that she had also applied to three programs, one of them being the same as one program that I'd applied to. She's heard back for interviews from two of them, one being the same program I applied to. I know in my heart that God will take me where I need to go and everything will be revealed in His time. However, convincing my head of that is taking considerable more effort. I'm trying to be patient, knowing God is watching my reactions and working on me through this time of waiting. I just pray that my anxieties calm and I am able to be the faithful servant I'm called to be while waiting to see where He wants me to be in the next years. As I'm sure you all know me, this is no easy task.

If you could spare a minute or two, I'd really appreciate a prayer. I'm not asking for God to show me right away or to help me finish my thesis today. I'm asking for patience and understanding, for peace while waiting. I'm asking for guidance, strength, and focus to write my thesis. (as part of my spiritual walk, I'm also working on learning to ask for the right things)

Thank you all!! Have a terrific weekend!

Monday, February 06, 2006

Please rent your moving vehicles somewhere else!

So a friend of mine and her family are moving out of the apartment they previously inhabited with the father of the family. The family situation is, well, HORRIBLE, so the mom and kids are moving into their own apartment. The mom calls me up and asks to borrow my pickup to help with the move. I've got nothing going that weekend; sure, why not?

First of all, I thought I was only lending the truck for the day on Saturday. By late evening, I'm trying to figure out where my truck is and how I'm going to get dinner. I call my friend and she gets upset and says she'll figure it out (she's been at work all day). I tell her not to worry, it's not really a big deal. She offers to pick me up and take me to dinner. Okay, food will ward off the crankiness and I'll be happy. Come to find out, they want to keep my truck overnight and continue moving in the morning. Well, okay, as long as you come get me for church.

So, Sunday goes without a hitch. My friend comes to get me for church and we went out to lunch afterward. Then it's back here to call my family and work on homework. About the time I was getting fried and ready to start thinking about dinner my phone rings. It's my friend. Her mom has gone to work and left my truck. She can either come get me to get my truck, or she can bring it to me late that night. I opted for getting it. At this point my friend Rachel is also getting antsy so she decided to come with me in my quest for my truck and then dinner.

So, we pick up my truck. As we're driving away, I noticed something shoved in the door panel. There's this sock with some clanking metal inside. Uh, okay. I guess we should turn around and take it back. Then we looked inside. There were a few metal vials inside and a lighter. Hmmm....we've never seen anything like this before, but it doesn't look very good. Instead of taking it back to my friend who's already dealing with a lot and has a test tomorrow (today), we decided to take it to the mom at her work. The mom is rather calm about the whole thing and says she found it in her son's backpack. She put the stuff in the sock. We're a little confused, but drive away. Rachel calls a friend of hers who’s been in and out of rehab a few too many times and explains what we found. Um, yeah, basically we either had crack or crystal meth in our possession. Oh and from the time we found the sock to the time we passed it along, we passed SIX cops. Oh no, not just paranoid, we really passed SIX. So I freaked out and couldn't really drive. We stopped in a gas station parking lot so I could calm down a bit. As we're sitting there a cop pulls in, stares at us as he drives by...really not kidding. Then he leaves and stares at us as he drives by. There was some real intent in those eyes and Rachel and I were waiting for him to stop and say something to us. He would have had a blubbering IDIOT on his hands if he'd tried.

So we finally force the conversation to change and I finally calmed down enough to drive us back. Once we were here we weren't going anywhere. We ordered a pizza and ploped down in front of the game. Now, Rachel is British. This whole football thing baffles her, especially since the foot and the ball don't really make contact all that often. She's never actually watched a game, but this is the superbowl and there are good commericials, and she does need to be there for her friend who's still shaking like a she watched it. It was so funny to hear her questions and even funnier trying to explain the answers. Now, I've never claimed to be any kind of an expert on the sport, but I thought I knew it pretty well. Um, guess not. She asked questions I couldn't answer and I realized I knew less about the game that I thought. Oh well.

We laughed and binged on pizza and had a good time. We were pretty much fried by that point anyway. I took two Tylenol 3s (with codeine) and went to bed. was your weekend?

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

By popular demand...well, Jodes' demand

Sorry I haven't been around much. Life has picked up the pace quite a bit. A week ago today my thesis advisor basically told me I was going to finish my thesis and I wasn't going to graduate. After a couple of days of pity parties, my thesis advisor gave me rather encouraging compliments and informed me that her previous "lecture" was only meant to be an encourager to work harder and faster, not a complete discourager, which I took it as. She's always had to use a bit of tough love on me and she didn't realize she'd pushed too far until I shut down. Those two days could have quite possibly been the worse two days of my life since I moved out of my dad's house. I didn't eat, didn't sleep (much), didn't do any work. I just sat in a dark room and zoned. I had no idea what to do next. But, it's all good because I'm going to finish my thesis and Cinco de Mayo is going to be a kicking celebration (graduation date). She said I have a really unique thesis, very interdisciplinary, very well researched. She said she's really proud of me and wants me to continue so she can sign off on an excellent thesis. Besides, she loves my mom and wants to be able to see her at all the final festivities.

After all of that, I decided to take off for the weekend. I needed a jumpstart to get back into things. So, late Friday evening, I decided I was going home. I spent Friday night in Kevin's arms and it felt so good. Perhaps it's too much to share here, but it's really nice to be able to sleep with someone and just cuddle. He totally respects the no sex boundary I set. He understands and is satisfied with hugs, kisses, and cuddles. Saturday I was supposed to spend the day reading, but I spent it hanging out with my mom instead. It was nice to pass the day doing a little of this and that and not much of anything in particular. That evening Kevin and I were supposed to go see a friend of mine who was in town for his grandfather's funeral (from Maryland). Everything went to crap and that didn't happen. So, we hung out and went for icecream with his brother and my best friend (his brother's fiancee). Afterward my stomach hurt so bad!!! I don't know if it was the icecream, the fact that the icecream was my dinner, or the fact that my eating has been less than regular this past week. I wound up falling sleep during SNL. I didn't realize I was so tired and I jumped about three feet in the air when Kevin leaned over and took my glasses off my face. He tried to get me to tell him whether or not my mom was expecting me home. I fell asleep about 3 more times before we finally established she was and I text messaged her to let her know I wasn't.

Sunday my mom and a friend of the family and I went to Sea World. My ex gave us passes that expired today, so my mom wanted one last hurrah. The woman we took with us has been part of our "family" since I was about 9 months old. She hadn't been to Sea World in almost 20 years. We had a blast laughing and talking all day long. She jumped and screamed when the stingrays took the food from her hands and bounced up and down when she touched the dolphins we fed. It was neat to experience it through her "new" eyes. As the day drew to a close, we hopped into our separate cars, my mom and friend heading for home, me heading back to school. The drive was long and hard, but the day was fun.

Yesterday was spent doing odds and ends and a bit of homework. I'm SOO exhausted from my weekend excursion. Today I've spent the day working on my thesis--corrections, modifications, and addition of new material--and actually have gotten a few more pages added. Oh! I filed my taxes and I'm actually getting a meager return. I was worried that after working as a server for a few months that I'd be paying instead. It was a pleasant surprise before a lovely dinner out with a friend and the ever expensive trips to Target.

Again, sorry for the delay in posting. There might not be a whole lot going on around here for the next couple of months. Once my thesis is done, however, there will be an electronic archive, so I'll be sure to link that so you can see what I've been working on all these months. Sweet dreams and good day to all!

Saturday, January 21, 2006

To be or not to be....proud??

Sometimes I claim that I'm an only child because I was practically raised as one. However, biologically, I am not an only child. Sometimes I like to claim to have a sibling, even though we were raised almost separately. It's days like this that I can't decide whether to claim him or not.

Take a look and you tell me if I should be proud or not.

My brother, the doof!

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Adventures in Babysitting

I haven't added much to this topic in awhile. My charge finally got used to my style and we came to an agreement. Well, then we had a month away from each other and lately we've had some reuniting pains. It's getting better though. This morning we had an interesting discourse that I'm sure you mom's will be able to appreciate.

Rebecca came storming out of the bathroom after she brushed her teeth "I am so mad at my mom"

"Why are you mad at her?"

"Because look (pointing to the space between her teeth, that has always been there), last night she brushed my teeth so hard she separated my teeth! Now there's a big space that wasn't there before! They were all bloody and now look! You can see what she did!"

I really couldn't help but laugh as I tried to convince her that her mother hadn't moved her teeth. She insisted that her mother had brushed SO HARD that her teeth had at least bled. I couldn't tell her it was because she never really brushed well and her gums were probably as soft as tissue paper. It was SOOO funny, but she did get a bit upset at my laughter. I really couldn't hold it back though.

Happy Hump Day!!!

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

So this is what it feels like

I know I haven't really be posting much lately, but I appreciate those who do still check in on me. My life has taken some pretty amazing turns lately. Well, maybe not turns, but progressions.

Kevin is truly wonderful and I thank God for his presence in my life. He keeps me grounded when I start to freak out, motivated when I want to quit, and comforted at all times. His love has brought about a new look on life. I have to admit, I find myself pondering what the future might be like with him. It's kind of scary, but in a good way.

I'm back at school, now. My thesis is actually going pretty smoothly at the moment. Slow, but steady is my mantra. It doesn't have to all get done today, but something has to get done today. I'm finally at the point where this whole thing seems conquerable and I'm stoaked.

Kevin starts school on Jan 23rd. I'm so proud of him for going back. It's going to be a hard road for us since he'll be working full time and going to classes full time in the evenings. But, if it's meant to be, we'll make it through somehow. He'll be happier once he's done and he'll have a degree. I'm so proud and happy for him.

Today I turned in my application for graduation. With it I had to fill out a piece of paper that shows I've fulfilled all general requirements, all concentration requirements, and all minor requirements. It was odd to hand my entire college career over on one piece of paper. Looking back, thinking of the various roommates, classes, professors, boyfriends, and other various moments in my life over the past four years made me realize how far I've come. It's a rather interesting feeling to know that I've done it and I'm going to be a college graduate come May. I'll have a higher level of education than my mom, my dad, and my older brother (they all have 2 year degrees). Weird.

So, today is a good day, as many days have been lately. Life is good. Even though I have no idea where I'll be a year from now, I know God will take care of me and everything will work out fine. Here's to life and all the glories of it!!

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

A Stinging Start

Happy New Year to one and all!! I hope the old year treated you well and the one that lay before us is full of hope and blessings.

Yesterday, my mom and Kevin had the day off. So we packed up the car and headed to Fort
DeSoto Park. It's home to the Spanish fort after which it is named. It's now a large park/nature reserve/beach/camping/picnic area. We used to go there when I was younger all the time. It really is a beautiful and fun place to visit.

The day started out swimmingly enough. We tried to start the fire in the grill and realized we'd left the lighter fluid at home and the charcoal I'd bought was not quick lighting. So we began collecting dried palm frans and sticks and Spanish moss and anything else we though would burn long enough to ignite the charcoal. Once we had the fire going, we had plenty of time to explore while the charcoal warmed.

Kevin and I saw some rocks jutting out into the water which I found necessary to assess their accessibility. After switching to sneakers (out of flip flops), I turned up the shirt part of my skorts and started off. Was this my tragic downfall of the day? We may never know. But, off I went. Climbing over the sea wall to the rocks below, through the mangroves which carefully guarded the middle section of rocks, out to the larger rocks sitting alone in the blue water. Ha ha!! I made it, and without a single body part wet, cut, or scratched. There was a young boy out there (whom I hadn't seen upon first glance), so I left him to his fishing and returned to shore to retrieve my boyfriend before heading back to the picnic site where my mom was tending to lunch.

Once back, Kevin and I decided to climb the trees. Well, I decided to climb the trees and coerced him into joining me. Perhaps this was my tragic downfall... Like the monkey my mom deemed me as a child, I joyfully scaled the trees in the picnic site, careful not to get myself to a point of no return. Kevin wasn't nearly as adventuresome. We'll have to work on that.

Lunch was pleasant, grilled chicken marinated in my great-grandmother's blonde barbeque sauce, potato salad, and chips...with room for desert. No picnic would be complete without roasted marshmallows and S'Mores!!!

Then we packed up and started to head out, not before checking out the bicycle rentals and ferry costs, for another day. As we were getting back into the car, I felt something biting me on my neck. I reached up to flick it off and felt something furry that wasn't being dislodged easily. As it continued to bite, I started to panic. I jumped out of the car trying desperately to get this creature off of me. Kevin ordered me to stop moving and finally flicked it off of me. I was already in immense pain and my neck was red, starting to swell where I had been affected. My mom's tone of voice was disturbing as she insisted we collect the furry little creature "in case we need it later."

The pain increased as I tried to convince myself that it was off of me and there wasn't another one on me. We drove toward the exit, stopping at the Ranger Station. They had seen and heard tales of the specimen my mother showed them. They pulled out there book of wildlife to be found at the park and encountered the
Puss Caterpillar, the most deadly caterpillar in the world. Okay, maybe I'm being a bit over dramatic, but rest assured, they are the most poisonous in the United States. Most of the stuff I've found online refers to a single sting on the hand (usually obtained from touching this creature). However, I have repeated stings across the back of my neck. I have to say, this is one of the most painful things I've ever been through. Probably second only to the time I sliced the bottom of my foot open, needing 6 stitches (please note, while female, the author has yet to join the reproductive ranks, thereby unable to compare to the expected trauma of childbirth).

I spent the rest of the day laying down, doped up on bendryl, with cream smeared all over me. I felt MISERABLE. When the little creature stowed away on my neck, I may never know. However, I know that I WILL be more careful in the future.

Here's to hoping the rest of the year runs a bit more smoothly!!