There's something overly discouraging about lying in bed, starring at your ceiling for two hours straight knowing that you want to be out the door in 6 hours and that your body needs it's minimum 8 hours rest to be even slightly productive (or amiable).
But then, I don't have to be productive tomorrow. However I do have to be on guard. I'm taking a day off from life--a day where I don't have to think. The plan is to spend the day with an old "friend" terrorizing some Orlando theme park. Sure, I know I'm playing with fire and I'll probably get burned, again, somewhere down the line. But, there comes a point when the dust settles and you look around to see who's still standing on your side. When you find there's only one person left, the fact that he's your needy, annoying ex-boyfriend seems less than important. Perhaps I'm leading him on despite the fact that I've made my intentions overly clear, and perhaps it's not a good idea given the insurmountable sexual tension between us. But then, I've gotten to the point where I just don't care. I need to get out of this house. I need to have a good time. I need to feel like myself again. And I need to do it without spending money (doesn't hurt that he works for a theme park so he gets in free to all of them and I have passes left over from our dating days). If nothing else, we always had fun hitting up the theme parks together (a testament to his overwhelming immaturity). So what the hell, right?
I know, I know. I'm not really buying it either. We had fun together, sometimes, but we're not good together (as a couple). I know this is a bad idea, but I really just don't care (at least I'm telling myself that). Above all, I really just want to get out and do something to make me smile. He's been trying to be friends since we broke up over a year ago, but he just can't handle it. This summer we've been e-mailing and that's seemed to be pretty okay. He wants another chance, I want a friend who won't drain the shit out of me. So, maybe one day out won't be so bad??