Monday, August 08, 2005


LP is most certainly correct; my relationship with my ex-boyfriend is like a bad soap opera. Not like the LA soap operas that start and end in one season. No, our relationship is like the US soap operas that run for years and years and it doesn't seem to matter how much time you've lost in the middle, when you tune back it, it's always just about the same. It all started almost exactly 4 years ago.

We met, started dating, and fell in love faster than I care to admit. Everyone found it a bit odd that a 17 year-old senior in high school and a 21 year old living on his own would have much in common, but we did. We were on the same level and our relationship flourished for the first year. Then it was time for me to go away to school. Granted my new location was 2.5 hours away as opposed to the 1 hour away I used to be, but our relationship suffered not because of the distance but because of the maturity growth spurt I had upon arriving at college (a fairly normal occurrence as far as I can tell). As far as maturity goes, I was rapidly growing and changing and he was as stagnant as the day I met him. We fought and fought and fought, broke up more times than I care to try to count, half-ass dated other people (mainly as a point to the other that we were desirable on the market), and as always, wound up back together, miserable. This went on for two more years. Finally, last May, I got fed up. I refused to argue with him, refused to play along. I was on my way out to Colorado to work at a children's summer camp for 10 weeks. I told him that we'd go our separate ways, no attachments, for 10 weeks and at the end of things we'd see how we felt. I fully intended to go and get over him. However, when I got there I was so lost and alone. I reached out to him for comfort as he'd been the only one to fill that role for the previous 2.5 years. I got nothing in return. For 6 weeks I barely heard from him and when I did, we FOUGHT. I took that as my sign and got over him.

Colorado was magnificent. I made some incredible friends and had a very successful summer (personal growth wise). Among the friends I made was a 35 year old cardiac surgeon. Of course I didn't expect anything to come of that friendship and barely considered it as such. However, there's no denying when you "click" with someone. Despite our 15 years age difference, we found ourselves spending a good amount of time together, engaged in VERY good conversation. When it was clear that our interest in each other spanned more than just our current friendship, I made my non-sexual intentions EXPLICIT. Everything seemed copasetic. I expected that our relationship would end with the summer, as I live in FL and he's well established in CO.

I came back to FL and made it overly clear that I was NOT interested in rekindling the dampened flame between my and my ex. He, however, was under a different impression. Although he never admitted it at the time, he was apparently prepared to ask me to marry him within the year. He wasn't ready for that kind of commitment and I wasn't prepared to make that commitment to him based on his state. We went out separate ways and things got U-G-L-Y!!! His friends and I had become close in our 3 years of friendship, so they weren't ready to kick me out of their lives based on him. However, it became readily evident that we could NOT be in the same room with each other without a scene. Since it was also apparent which of the two was starting and causing the scene, they continued to invite me over and keep me a part of their lives. The main couple I'm speaking of is the parents of my God-Daughter, my ex's best friend from high school and his wife, also a good friend from high school. We were all pretty fed up with the shenanigans and the immaturity, so we continued our communication and relationship. None of us had much communication with my ex at all. He continued to call and harass me. I'm one of those people who will take quite a bit but have the inability to write people off. My mom has pointed out that during some of my growing pain spats with various female friends, I have had no problem cutting them out of my life. My response to that is always the same: while I make no attempt at reviving the friendship, nor do they; conversely, while I am making no attempt to revive my relationship with my ex, he IS.

Meanwhile, my psuedo-boyfriend from CO continued to call. We continued to have incredible conversations and it wasn't long before we were talking several times everyday. I took advantage of a four day weekend over Veterans Day to go up and see him. I wound up taking care of the poor guy, he'd come down with strep. Everything was going well and while we wouldn't admit it to ourselves, each other, or anyone else, we were falling HARD for each other. Then December rolled around and our worlds' shattered. He was diagnosed with testicular cancer. Because of various personal reasons, he'd suspected this for quite sometime but hadn't done anything about it. Due to the time delay, the cancer had spread to his liver. Now, it's just about un-fightable. The information took a big toll on both of our mental healths and on our relationship. I'm young and have my whole life ahead of me and he didn't want to bring me down or hold me back. So he's pushed me away. I'm not pleased with this move, but I am beginning to understand it. For awhile, I let other people sway my thoughts and started to believe that he'd made the whole thing up and had been lying to me. After a long conversation with a dear friend of mine yesterday, I decided I'd been wrong and shouldn't have allowed others to change what I felt. The person I talked to was also from CO. She and I'd become friends as we worked together through the summer. Her family has known this man since before she was added to the family, so he's like a second dad to her. Although she hadn't talked to him in awhile, she confirmed that he was legitimately sick and became very upset/worried when I explained what had (or probably better put, what hadn't transpired) between the two of us.

Now, we switch back to the ex. There had been literally NO contact from me to him since April. He'd sent me an e-mail while I was out of the country. It was heartfelt and addressed a lot of personal, difficult issues. I chose to respond. I wasn't exactly pleasant, but I wasn't exactly mean either. I laid everything out on the line, finally verbalizing all my emotions and thoughts. It was a tough letter, but it had to be done. Instead of fighting me, he accepted what I had to say and again asked for another chance at friendship. I told him we'd have to see. It finally came to a point where my best friend was in the mental hospital, my relationship with my friend from CO was over, who knows what health situation he was in as well, all my friends are out of town or busy or something. I was lost and plummeting downward rather quickly. I knew I needed to get out and just about the only person I could think of to turn to was him. Our excursion rekindled some old positive emotions, while at the same time I was reminded of the reasons I had had to walk away.

So here I am, in the middle of this all with a plethora of emotions for two different people, neither of which is good for me but both of which I have a strong connection to. Sound like a soap opera yet?? And to think, this was the short version. ;)


  1. how about 'quasi-boyfriend' rather than 'pseudo-boyfriend?'

  2. I had to go and grab my dictionary too! Between you and Joe I am getting super educated. In a minute I might, and I say might, be able to speak a little spanish. But don't count on it ... because I think I am too old to learn it.

    I tell you what Tina, I would put your relationship in a script format and try and sell it. Its certainly not boring.

  3. pseudo
    adj : (often used in combination) not genuine but having the appearance of; n : a person who makes deceitful pretenses

    adj : having some resemblance

    I chose pseudo because we never named our relationship. I couldn't call it dating because we never really dated. I hesitated to call him my boyfriend because we never played those roles. For a lack of a better term, I took up using pseudo. I think I shied away from quasi due to my brother's relentless teasing of a guy I dated in high school. Admittedly, he had no neck, but to this day my brother will ask me about Quasimodo. Also, to me, pseudo has a less negative connotation than quasi. Perhaps you have a different idea of these two words?

    LP, perhaps if we morph your name, your Spanish abilities will follow. How about being known as plastico liquido? Just a thought ;)

  4. plastico liquido! Believe it or not I think I pronounced it correctly! I like it!