Sunday, July 31, 2005

Wanting more...

I've come to a point where I can't decide if he's for real or toying with me in an unspeakable way. It's always something; one thing after another. It all seems legit enough, except that it continually piles up: serious illness, loss of job... I can't figure out what to believe and what to question. How many broken promises does it take before I finally wake up and start to think that maybe it was one big lie all along?? (Quite a few apparently) How does a relationship go from absolutely incredible to absolutely horrible in the snap of a finger? I've never been treated so wonderfully as I was during the first 6 months of our relationship. Yet, I've never been treated so poorly as the final 6 months of our relationship. Why is it that I hang on so long after I know that it's over; why must I try to save it, fix it, make it happen when it's obvious it's over?

I'm stuck in this he at an incredibly horrendous place in life and I'm being an incredible bitch....or is it that he's an incredibly talented compulsive liar and I've been hanging onto every lie like a truth I've never found? But after a few not nasty, but not-so-nice, letters, wouldn't a real guy call to defend and make an attempt at ammends??

Oy, maybe it's just too late and I've run this through my head too many times. They say chicks are complicated; by damn, I'd like to see a straightforward guy!

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